- Iwona Pinkowicz
My Journey Into Motherhood
Ever since I became a mum, I wanted to write about my journey. I didn't have the smoothest transition into motherhood. I had very long and complicated labour, post-delivery complications (never event at the hospital), trouble bonding with my son, and struggles with postnatal depression. I also really didn't like being pregnant. It felt strange to me, and I didn't like the fact that whatever was happening to my body was ultimately out of my control.
I'm pretty honest about my experiences, both to my family & friends and publicly to some extent, but I feel that there is so much more I want to say. By sharing my story, I know that there will be someone out there who can relate and who might feel that tiny bit less lonely. Motherhood is hard. It can be messy, exhausting, depressing and incredibly emotional. There are still far too many people on social media touting that motherhood is just the most beautiful, full of joy, magical and incredible thing that has ever happened to them. This creates unrealistic expectations for mums, which can be so damaging to mental health as they think they are doing something wrong or are not good enough. I fell into this trap many times before (and still do sometimes, even today!).
So why do I want to share this now?
My son is almost three years old, and only now I feel strong enough to talk openly about my experience. I feel so much more confident as a mum, and I think it's the right time for me to do it. Going through what I was going through at the time, I just couldn't imagine sharing my thoughts and feelings so openly because I didn't understand what was happening. I wouldn't be able to defend my journey in case I needed to. I was scared to be criticised, laughed at, called "a drama queen", and someone who is oversharing. But most of all, I didn't want to be seen as an ungrateful mother, someone who was lucky to conceive and give birth to a beautiful and healthy boy. Today I understand that what I overcame and experienced happened for a reason. I feel that I just have to let the words out and speak my truth, hoping that it will help someone who finds themselves in a similar position to where I was three years ago. I want to offer some words of encouragement, give some perspective and hope, that no matter how hard things might seem right now, things will get better with time.
With so much love,